Team Short Stuff - A (Small) D&D Story Compilation

In what was our first D&D campaign (a 3.5 Edition campaign) for most of us, Kevin was a Halfling Rogue and I played a Chaos Gnome Warlock. He was Neutral Evil and I was Chaotic Good and I also came in later to the campaign so there's a decent amount of time before I joined the party. Being the only two small creatures in the party, as the others were elves or humans or half dragon etc., we formed a quick pact and became known throughout the campaign as Team Short Stuff... This is where the hilarity ensues...

Being NE, Kevin was always mischievous and getting into hijinks. Being of a chaotic alignment, I had no issue backing up my friend as most of the things we did weren't detrimental to and just plain silly.

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In the main town we were stationed in during this campaign, Kevin decided he really wanted to become an Assassin. In 3.5, Prestige Classes were a thing (and are being slowly phased into the current 5th Edition as I write) that a character could do to become specialized in a certain field and Kev wanted to be an Assassin. There are prerequisites to any Prestige Class and for the Assassin you had to: be of an Evil alignment, have a certain score in certain stats and kill someone for no good reason. Not being an asshole, Kev decided killing someone who needed to be killed rather than some rando would work better. We journeyed into the shady side of town in an effort to find a bounty board of sorts. As we asked around, we were unexpectedly kidnapped. When we came to, we were locked in a cage with an owlbear.... We also saw Matt's character (a draconic humanoid) hanging from the ceiling above our cage.

Being confined to a small space with a deadly creature was not in our favor. Kevin couldn't sneak behind the owlbear to get a good sneak attack and I focused on ranged spells. This fight lead to us running around frantically every turn trying to get away from the owlbear. Eventually our magic and metal combined to fell the large creature.

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After a journey, some of us took the option of being teleported back to town while the others stayed at the current location. Kevin, Matt and I were whisked away to town.... About 100 feet above the town square. As we clutched one another in fear, Matt noticed a certain NPC walking below us . It was the town's dwarven blacksmith whom Matt was training under. Currently Matt was in a test to try and a single blow on his teacher, something he hadn't done yet. Using his wings, he abandoned the flightless duo and charged his master. Unfortunately for him, the dwarf noticed him. With Matt's momentum and the dwarf's hardy fists, the blacksmith knocked Matt out in a single punch and continued on his way. Meanwhile in mid air, I cast Fly on myself and grab Kevin with enough time left to the point where we aren't turned into small people goop in the middle of town.

Once grounded, we take notice of our draconic friend who was laid out. Kevin noticed a nearby sewer grate and proposed we push Matt into the sewer to embarrass him even further. Well... it took us about 5 minutes to move his large body over to the grate (which was like maybe 30 feet from where he landed) and then another 5 minutes trying to get the grate up. We slid him down the drain and congratulated ourselves on a successful scheme. What we didn't know is that there was actually something the sewer... something pretty big.

After the other half of the party returned , they asked about Matt and we told them what he did with a bit of smugness to us. Since Matt had been down there for a few hours (maybe a full day), we decided it was time to go get him. We went down into the sewers and what a sight we saw. Matt was (yet again) tied up, but this time it was by a horde of giant spiders.

When I say horder, I do mean horde. There were about 50 giant spiders and a queen down there. Bryan played a Psionic Monk, so he was the fastest on the ground and in the air with Wind Walk. We tried to free Matt and leave, whilst he left and gathered people to help us. While we were quickly overwhelmed, Bryan had essentially gotten the entire town to follow him into the sewers. The king himself and the royal guards, a time wizard, the blacksmith, the old lady who ran the potion shop, etc. The best thing was that these were all PCs from our DM's previous campaigns so they were plenty powerful enough to take on everything while we watched. We learned at the end of that session that our DM had meant for us to delve into the sewers at a much later point in the game, but it came up a lot earlier due to our shenanigans...

Yeah...

We did that

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In our final attempt to get Kev an honorable kill to prestige, we were to track down a baron and kill him. We split from the party and made our way to his estate, where Kevin snuck into a high story window and began to masquerade as a servant. After making his way into the baron's room, he alerted the guards and was thrown into the dungeon. We had predetermined that I would follow in after him after no contact for a few hours. I cast Fly and peeked into the window he went through and saw everything still in place. Instead of climbing in after him, I went to the front door and knocked. I then deceived the head butler that I was a traveler in need of a place to stay for the night. He lead me to a room and I stayed there before making my way to the dungeon shortly before sunrise.

I had to sneak all the way back downstairs, next to the front door, to get into the dungeon. I found Kev and broke him out. Rather than try sneaking again, I began to blast open a nearby sewer grate with Eldritch Blast (because we have a great track record with sewer systems). As it took a few minutes, Kev quickly got his belongings and saw another duo locked up. The human male and female had no words for us as Kevin chatted them up. In a sign of good faith, he unlocked their cell. They simply walked right by him, got their equipment and walked out of the dungeon into all the guards on patrol. Among the yelling we could hear some of the conversation:

"How did she get out?"

"I don't know. She's only the most powerful necromancer in the world!!"

... Oops. It happened again. At that point the grate popped open and we shoved our tiny forms through it. The end of it was about 100 feet from the front door, where we got out and were immediately spotted by the baron's son on a balcony. Archers shot at us and Kevin got hit really badly, so I had to start carrying him. Luckily by that time we were out of range and they had other problems to deal with. By the time afternoon had hit, we found an inn on the side of the road and stopped there for the night. Just after we got there, an extravagant entourage made its way to us and who but the baron stepped out. Apparently he was staying here for the night before making way to his estate the following morning. We both knew that if Kev wanted that kill, tonight was the time to strike.

Rather than infiltrate from the inside, we went the exterior route. I cast Fly and then lifted us out of the window in our room to the room where the baron was staying. Kev picked the window open and slipped in as I watched, still hovering outside the window. Before Kevin could get anywhere near the baron in his sleep, he heard the door unlocking. I lowered myself so I couldn't be seen and he dived underneath the bed. The door opened and a figure walked in, being ever so quiet. This made Kevin weary and I got a good look at the guy. He was definitely not a guard as he was wearing all black robes and a mask. The cautiousness of the figure plus my frantic looks towards Kevin resonated with him and he jumped out from under the bed and attacked the figure. They engaged in a tussle and woke up the baron right as Kevin killed the other assassin. Kev quickly convinced that baron that he had seen the man sneak up here and had just saved his life (which I will say he technically just did). The man thanked Kevin for his deeds and Kevin rejected his offer of gold, as he slipped poison into the drink one of his guards had just brought. As soon as we caught up with the rest of the group, we got news of the baron's untimely demise. And that was the story of the little assassin that could.

Marshall is our Head Content Creator and the voice of unspeakable reason. Most, if not all, write ups are his. Kevin is a dear friend of the show (and possibly a robot) that can be found on the Twitterverse over here.

Let's Be Friends(?): A Star Wars RPG Story

A while ago, we had a short running of a Star Wars RPG akin to Dungeons & Dragons. The official version name and title allude me, but it was a fun experience and quite different from the fantasy D&D setting. Nevertheless, we had some great and fantastic stories in that short run.

It features a lot of familiar faces if you've been keeping up the joneses on our D&D campaign log about Task Force Excelsior. I (Marshall) was a Miraluka Sith that has forcibly conscripted into the Sith Empire, but had recently escaped and joined up with the Republic. Bryan played a Zabrak Mandalorian bounty hunter with Matt (Sokka from our other campaign) as a Mandalorian Wookiee. Kevin and Dontell (the former Captain Barbroguega and Zeze, respectively) were a pair made of a Mon Calamari dealer and a Togorian bodyguard. Pat (who usually plays Siegfried) was the Game Master behind this all and it took place during the Old Republic Era, thousands of years before the movies.

Team Rogue Shadow consisted of myself and two other PCs (two of our friends that played a female Togruta scout and a Duros smuggler pilot respectively) and we were being commissioned by the Republic to find an ancient Sith artifact and retrieve it. The quest took us to a crowded city were we learned about the dealer who had the artifact and a Sith apprentice that was procuring it. We hastily made our way to the warehouse district and made our way through the building next to the deal. As we started observing, we saw the hooded figure we assumed was the apprentice with some Gamorreans and the Calamari/Cathar duo. In what seemed like an instant, a concussive grenade went off behind us and we were taken back. The duo of Mandalorian Zabrak and Wookiee stood blatantly in the doorway before advancing. We leaped to the walkway of the other building as best we could, with the charging Wookiee mere paces behind us. The noise attracted the Gamorreans and the Cathar, who investigated. The Cathar saw us and quickly told us to leave, while the Gamorreans attacked on site. During our fight the apprentice noticed us and quickly jumped to our level and blasted us with Force Lightning so strong that we flew back to the side building. With Rogue Shadow and the Mandalorians subdued, the apprentice revealed himself to us and showcased the artifact which was the mask of an ancient sith lord. He ripped off my goggles, revealing my empty eye sockets (Miraluka are humanoids that look exactly like humans minus eyes and see using the Force) and promptly left without finishing the transaction.

Now a wreck, the 'party' decided to sit down and clear the air. Rogue Shadow clarified they were after the mask and the Mandalorians told us they were hired by the Sith to bring me back alive. Both the Kevin and Dontell's characters were mad that they wouldn't be getting paid and happily joined us. We made it back to our ship were we took off in search of the Sith apprentice Darth Royce. We caught up to Royce but had to fight off his TIE escort. Thanks to our expert smuggler and some sharp shooting we eliminated them and damaged Royce a bit before out engines cut and our shields disengaged. Knowing we hadn't sustained much damage, the pilot tried to make contact with the Mandalorian duo as they were manning the generator room during the dogfight. When there was no response from them, I ignited by lightsaber immediately and made my way towards the generator. I didn't trust them before due to their desire to capture me and I wasn't going to give them a chance to do it again. The other two members of Rogue Shadow followed, with the Cathar taking a nap and the Mon Calamari purposefully avoiding all confrontation.

When we got to the room, we saw the Wookiee in the doorway with his buddy hiding inside to confirm our suspicions. While the pilot tried talking to them, I immediately used Force Lightning to drop Matt the Wookiee's HP to 1 and he was knocked out shortly after. Underestimating my Jedi/Sith frailness, I dropped quickly to Bryan's blaster fire and sleep darts but my team took him out after my fall. During this fight, a Star Destroyer had caught us in its tractor beam and brought us onboard by the time both Mandalorians fell. Troops were stationed outside the ship and had begun to come aboard. They took the sleeping Dontell off the ship, whilst Calamari Kevin just sat in the ship's hangar completely unnoticed. Luckily he hacked the gun turrets on the ship and was able to shoot at the troopers, killing a good portion and scattering the rest. The troopers on the inside made their way down to the generator room and engaged with the only two conscious players. Our smuggler fell after a few good shots, leaving the scout as the only one standing. Luckily, the ship's powerless interior was enough for her to put the shadows in her favor. After killing the last of them, we all got some health back and had a stern talk before going back to the main hangar. After meeting with our friend waiting in the hangar, a lone figure walks in on our talk... None other than Darth Royce himself.

Bryan, being fast and beefy, went about distracting him and 'trying' to avoid being hit. I had the bright idea to lure Royce out of our ship to a) prevent any damage to it and b) take the fight into the large star destroyer hangar and not our tiny one. As a leave the ship, I turn around to unleash my distraction to lure him to me. That distraction being Force Lightning. FL is very similar in D&D spells that require you to fire off a piece of ammunition (it's very close to Lightning Arrow in 5th Edition). A hit fill do full damage but a miss still does some residual damage.  I figured that since he was hard to hit that this should at least do some damage... I rolled a natural 20.

I don't remember the die roll specifically (it was a lot of d6) but essentially that's how I, as level 2 character, did over 100 damage in one attack and managed to turn a Level 10 Sith into a puddle of space goop. I had been playing a good amount of Dragonball Xenoverse around this time and had just gotten the Super Saiyan transformation for my Saiyan character after many attempts at grinding it, which did lead to Pat calling me Vegeta, on more than one occasion. I like to think that my Force Lightning attack looked a lot like a Final Flash and that I left everyone...in shock...